No one is born to be alone

A blonde walks in a bank to get a loan. “I need to borrow $100 for a month,” she says. 

The banker frowns, but takes her information anyway. He runs her credit but can’t find a report. “I’m sorry,” he says, “but in the absence of a credit record, we’ll have to charge 20% interest on the loan, and you’ll need to put up collateral.

“What does that mean?” the blonde says.

“It means,” the banker says, “you’ll have to repay us $120, and you’ll need to give us something more valuable to hold onto until you pay us back.”

“Something more valuable?” The blonde says. “How about my Ferrari?”

The banker nearly snorts his coffee all over his desk, but he prides himself on customer service so he soldiers on. He runs the title on the Ferrari and what do you know, the blonde owns it free and clear. “Okay, he says, “I’ll print out the papers.”

“Just so I understand,” the blonde says, “I give you my Ferrari and you give me a hundred dollars, right? And then in a month, I give you $120 and you give me my Ferrari back?”

“Yes,” the banker says, “that’s the deal.”

She signs the paperwork and hands him the keys. He counts out $100 for her and watches her saunter out the door.

A month to the day later, he’s sitting at his desk when the blonde saunters back in. She hands him $120 and says “I get my car back, right?”

“Yep, he says as he hands her the keys. She turns to go but he stops her. “Miss, I really have to ask, why did you use a $140,000 car as collateral on a $100 loan?”

“Oh!” The blonde says. “I got called out of town unexpectedly on business. How else can I park a Ferrari for a month in Manhattan for only $20?”

Apr 14th 2024
Source: cinematv

Liv Tyler as Arwen

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) dir. Peter Jackson

A math teacher, a gym teacher, and an art teacher die and arrive in heaven at the same time.

God tells them that heaven is full and they will have to trick the devil to be let in. God calls the devil and the devil comes in and introduces himself.

The math teacher tries first and gives him a hard equation. The devil solves it in 10 seconds and the teacher is sent to hell.

The gym teacher asks him to do 1,000 push-ups in a row without stopping. The devil does it without stopping and the gym teacher is sent to hell.

The art teacher then says, “Give me a chair with 7 holes carved in it.” The devil hands him the chair. The art teacher sits down on it and farts. He asks the devil, “What hole did the fart come out of?” The devil replies, “Easy, the third one.” The art teacher then says, “No, my asshole.” And then makes his way to heaven.

Two idiots decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first goes in to see the counselor, who tells him to take Math, History, and Logic. 

"What's Logic?" the first idiot asks.

The professor answers by saying, "Let me give you an example."

"Do you own a weedeater?"

"I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good!"

The professor continues, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."

Impressed, "Amazin!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The idoit is obviously catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I can't wait to take that logic class!!"

The idiot, proud of the new world opening up to him, walks back into the hallway, where his friend is still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'?" asks the friend.

"Math, History, and Logic!" he replies.

"What in tarnation is logic???" asked his friend.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weedeater?" he asked.

"No," his friend replied.

"Gay."

Old Lighters 🤔

My heart is broken now that my father just said " Jenin why haven't you been sharing the link lately we haven't received any donations since yesterday, go & share it". I couldn't say that I've been sharing it day & night, I just pretended that I've forgot.https://t.co/eHXcQ6k8n2  — Jenin from Gaza 𓂆 (@jenin154) March 28, 2024ALT


Please help the family of a non-verbal autistic child (who has been losing weight because he only eats certain kinds of food, largely unavailable during this time) leave Gaza!

They are almost halfway there btw

Apr 13th 2024
Source: katameme

things im scared will climb through my window at night: clowns, nosferatus, the river strid,

Tailor Birds “Sewing” Nests

(via)

Babe wake up, there’s a bird that can sew!

Alright y'all which poor girl pissed off Hera and got turned into this bird?

Alright y'all which poor

girl pissed off Hera and got

turned into this bird?

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.